I feel an internal shift happening as I make the time daily to work in this journal. I'm finding myself eager to get to these pages each day. The making is becoming the practice I'd hope it would become. With the daily practice, I'm finding I'm able to create something from nothing. Just two weeks ago, I had to have an idea of the end before I could start. These last two days, I've started without an end in mind. I'm finding my style, the one that's been in my head for years. I'm learning to push past the point of worrying about ruining it to make it really mine. Pick a starting place, and then react to it, and then react to that, over and over until it feels finished.
It's a good exercise to have to finish something, anything, each day. There's no time for anything to become too precious. I'm thinking of this journal as I do my regular journal. It's a place to gather my thoughts, my idea, notes to myself, quick sketches of things I want to dig deeper into, plans, dreams, records. While each page has to be finished, it's part of a larger whole, that is ultimately just a record for myself. I'm committed to myself to post photos daily so that I am accountable but I'm not creating to please anybody. I do greatly appreciate the encouragement that I'm receiving via comments and emails! Thanks for that. I hope I can keep making like this until I'm no longer deeply attached to the outcome.
Tonight I decided to try sketching on the ungessoed book pages. I like the look of a dark line against a printed page.
Trying to do a page a day is helping me see where my time goes and it's very interesting. Most days I'm able to take some time that doesn't feel stolen from something else important but it can be a struggle. The competing interests are becoming more apparent, reading, knitting, jewelry, painting, journaling. The time wasters are starting to really stand out. I appreciate being more conscious.
I've begun to think about the preparations necessary for Artfest and getting excited. I'm taking a class that requires several self-portraits be sent to the instructor in advance. I have trades to prepare and undoubtedly supplies to gather. I'm enjoying the anticipation now that the holidays have passed and I can focus.
The weather has been crazy here. Three inches of snow on Sunday, winds started then and haven't really stopped, and now it's been raining buckets the last two days. There's flooding all around. My parents house on the North Cascades Hwy has been cut off by mudslides and flooding. They're safe but it's strange. I don't think this has ever happened. I'm hearing I-5 is closed south of us. So many people hadn't recovered from the floods last year and here we are again. Sending up my prayers for everybody's safe keeping.
I've been a bit ill since New Years Day. Today I was worse and had to stay home, laying about. Being ill is so frustrating. If I have to stay home, I feel I should be able to do something enjoyable and make great lists of the things I'll do once the decision is made. The reality is always the same. I'm too wiped out to move let alone do much of anything. Thankfully, I'm feeling greatly improved this evening, just exhausted.
I was able to finish this spread tonight. Grateful not to have to skip a day so soon.
"Our task is to say a holy yes to the real things of our life as they exist." Natalie Goldberg, Writing Down The Bones
Often that's the challenge, saying yes to what is so I can get on with the business of expressing it.
I don't know why the full page photo isn't showing up but if you click on it you can see it.
I meant to choose a winner on New Years Day for the Somerset Life Magazine that I'd posted about. Ah well, better than forgetting entirely. Jonna won the magazine but Lori, if you send me your address I'd love to send you a bar of soap. My email is tmabbott63 at msn dot com. Thanks for playing!
I'm beginning to see there's a need for a little planning, even in a journal. Either that or give up my need to have my pages be in the book in chronological order.
I'm working in an old childrens book and like to lay gesso down as a first layer. If I want to get on with the actual journaling part, I need to be sure to lay the gesso the night before so it dries well. I also have to think about what's on the backside of a page if I want to attach anything with something other than an adhesive. I keep wanting to use rivets or stitching but don't want to mess up the previous page. I have the facing page of this one now ready to go tomorrow and won't have the limits I've faced so far.
I can see this page a day will be a bit of a challenge for me. Even today, a day without any committments except to myself, I still didn't finish before nearly bed time. It will be interesting to learn what I let get in the way.
I've decided to do a journal page a day for January with many others, as coordinated by Misty Mawn. I've intended to make art daily, if even for just 5 minutes and I want to post more frequently. I don't remember how many days it takes to create a new habit. My hope is it takes less than the 31 days of January. It's been a joyous but long few days. We've been to Circus Contraption, set intentions for the year, visited with friends, and generally had a great time. I'm exhausted and pleased with the end of 2008 and the beginning of 2009.